Ill be here.

As my time ends abruptly as a healthcare worker, I can’t help but to feel overwhelmed.

This morning I woke up and got dressed not knowing if this is going to be my last shift. I walk the hallways and wonder if this will be the last time I will stroll through these halls and see these familiar faces.

 I am in disbelief that something I worked so hard for, and for so long is now dwindling away. The amount of tears, sweat and blood poured out into the years. From all the hands I held, the hugs, the laughs shared to the teamwork, the understanding and belonging of healthcare workers.

I came into healthcare to make a change, make a difference, to help people. Now I am leaving for those same reasons.

I watch as the relationships that were created over the years come to a head based on a personal decision. I watch how many people act like they know better than the next person simply because they make a different choice then them. I watch: When I walk into the room and suddenly people stop talking as if I wouldn’t realize they are talking about me or the actions I am taking, or lack thereof.

The same people who made me feel welcomed are the same ones shunning me for my personal beliefs. The same people who swore to be kind and loving are the ones filled with so much hate and contempt. The same people going through the pandemic with me are now outing me. And by me, I mean we.

My wish for all of this is to enlighten people to their actions, or lack thereof and take a deep look at their beliefs. We all do.

I was a nursing assistant for about 8 years. I was there for the patients when they were alone in a scary place. I changed them, I fed them, I listened to them. I advocated for their needs and wants. I was on their team. I helped them the best way I could, even if that meant running myself into the ground.

I was a phlebotomist; I held their hands when they were sad or scared. I comforted them, made them laugh. I was there for them, and their families. I worked through covid. I worked through covid when I was pregnant.

I am a lab processor until the impending moment they choose to let me go. I made sure all their specimens were handled with the utmost respect and care. I prayed for their health every chance I got, sending them healing energy.

Many people do not even know if I took it or not, except my department because well word travels fast around here.

So, I see these people, who I have seen for the past 5 years and I cant help but wonder if it will be the last time that I see them. Should I say goodbye? Should I let them know that my days as your colleague are coming to an end? Will they even care, or would they agree with the “health” system and the governor?

Despite coming to peace with it and accepting whatever consequences that comes with it, it is very upsetting and disheartening to say the least.

To work alongside you all has been nothing short of amazing. From the varying viewpoints, to coming together in the middle of a pandemic. No matter what wrenches are thrown in the midst, I will always remember.

The beauty and oneness that was once shared before we were divided.

I will be here, even after, if you should ever need a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on.

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