As I continue the journey to heal my wounds that my inner child endured, I am humbled and overwhelmed with love and appreciation for all things.
I would love to thank all of you for helping to mold me into the person I am today. For the experiences both good and bad that have led me up to this point and shaped me into the version I am today.
Thank you to the friendships/relationships throughout my life, no matter the outcome, I am grateful for you and the lessens you have taught me.
No matter what happened; I hold no grudges or ill will toward anyone. More importantly, I love you and wish nothing but the best for you all.
I often look back and wonder what would happen if I didn’t allow the reactions based on trauma inflicted responses to influence my decisions, would we still be friends?
I look at the healthy relationships I was once apart of and ask what is it that held me back? Why did I let that friendship get away, why am I so bad at keeping in contact or maintaining it? More importantly why did I always do something to jeopardize it, fear of it working out perhaps?
I look at the unhealthy ones and wonder why is it that I remained in such hostile places for so long? Why did I continue to allow myself to be in a relationship that was detrimental to my health? Both mentally and physically. Lack of self-worth, most likely.
I recall trying to impress people who wanted nothing to do with me. Running to those who could care less while running away from those who would do anything for me.
I felt unlovable. I felt it was better to abandon than to be abandoned. I felt unworthy.
My inability to see it back then definitely put me into questionable positions. But without all the experiences, I certainly would not be where I am now or know half of what I know now. So again, thank you.
Thank you for assisting me in gaining clarity, thank you for helping me when I needed it. Thank you for showing me you cared and thank you for influencing me. To those of you who I do not, or have not spoken to: I appreciate what you have done for me, I appreciate the memories that we once shared. Thank you for shaping me into a better version of myself.
To embody the woman that I choose to be is terrifying because it requires to take a good look at yourself and heal those parts of you that you thought defined you. It is imperative that you hold yourself accountable for the things you did or didn’t do as to make sure you do not continue repeating the same cycles. Breaking free of the limitations set for you based on how you felt and reacting accordingly.
You are not the things that happened to you, you do not need to stay there even when it feels like there is no way out. You are not any less worthy based on what you went through, or even to the extent of others inability to understand. Perhaps they too have their own trauma that they have not healed from.
The worst critic you will ever come across is yourself, but the opposite is just as true.
The most important cheerleader you could ever have is yourself. Turn those I cants into I cans and watch how quickly your life will turn around.