My heart is full, my pain is grand.
It took alot for me to get where I am today. I didn’t get here unscathed. My heart has been ripped out and trampled on too many times I have lost count. I have bruises and scars that tell stories that I don’t even remember. The pain is there, but where there is pain there is so much beauty.
My heart is full of so much love. I am filled with so much gratitude. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU.
Thank you for the pain that I have endured and will in the future, for without that I cannot grow or experience the depth of love and empathy that comes along with it.
I didn’t always think this way or truly believe it. It took me a long time to get this point. I needed alot of healing because I carried so much pain. I still need healing but now I have the tools and understanding to help me through.
Pain is what makes life beautiful.
Just remember though, you do not need to live in it.
For such a big part of my life I ran from everything. I didn’t know how to cope with the pain. I didn’t know who or what I was becoming and that scared me. I didn’t want to face anything. I didn’t want anyone to see me for who I really was.
A scared, hurt little girl.
I felt alone in such a big scary world. Fear of abandonment gripped deep in my core. Fear of rejection tore me apart. I was literally my own worst nightmare.
I literally ruined everything that was good for me because I felt that I didn’t deserve it.
I know better now.
I am fortunate to have people in my life who never stopped believing in me. Who helped raise me up from the depths of the hell that I continued to create. The one that held me captive for years.
Thank you to everyone who ever believed in me, loved me and accepted me. I love you all.